I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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