i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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