non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
