pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
