You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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