At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
