I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
