I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
