The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
