sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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