In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
