Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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