She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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