His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Randomize
