Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
