Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
