singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
