how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
