I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
