There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
