I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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