Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we made out on top of his cat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
