just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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