my vag is so smooth its legendary
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
How naked do you want me to be?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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