there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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