You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
