hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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