i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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