were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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