Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
