I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
