omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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