Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
