I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
