It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
