Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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