Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
