Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
