Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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