and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
