So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
