She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
