You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
