I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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