Swine flu. Run for my life!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
