so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
