i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I love you.
Bad choice
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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