she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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