ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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