I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
