It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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