don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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