She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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