Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
