Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
