If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
