i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
