Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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