Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
