Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
