Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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