So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
