so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
