this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
